Breathless

À bout de souffle

My heart is very heavy as I look back on all the highlights of the past few months. Obviously, on social networks we share the good things and just like everyone else, the less beautiful we keep it to ourselves. All is not perfect, even if we sometimes let it appear, subconsciously.

Although I don't demonstrate it much here, the last few times have been particularly difficult for me. A big storm, a big chaos, where I lost all my bearings. A constant tornado, in my head. Lots of insecurity, professional questioning, anxiety (which I had never experienced before).

I experienced my first panic attacks. Fortunately, my lover was there, more present than ever, to pick me up more than once with a teaspoon, and to reassure me.

Having been in the health care business for a few years now, I used to take care of others before taking care of myself. And, I spent so much time saving people that I didn't see that I was the one who needed to be saved. However, it caught up with me. Great psychological fatigue. I broke down.

I knew it wasn't healthy and things needed to change!

I've been told I need to take care of myself. The problem; I didn't even know how to do this, since I had never done it before. On the other hand, I was the expert at telling others how to do it! Quite paradoxical coming from a nurse practicing in mental health, right?

So I decided to change some habits I had and change my lifestyle. I decided, for once, to put myself first and go back to base.

I then started to eat better, to move around, to read, to take hot baths, to undertake activities that I like to do, to say no when I don't feel like doing something thing, to listen to me and respect me.

If you only knew what impact the simple act of moving has had on my mind and my anxiety! Today, I feel great psychologically, as well as physically. Today, I come out much stronger. I feel more solid, more aligned, and serene.

Here I am now on the cusp of taking over the reins of mental health, knowing more than ever that it is this clientele that thrills me. I must not lose sight of the fact that I am my own working tool!

To all of you who might relate to this post and have been through storms or more difficult times, you are not the only ones, trust me.

You have the RIGHT to put yourself before your work. Be INDULGENT to yourself. And above all, take care of yourself AT ALL TIMES !!!

- Madison Monfette