Self-harm, "self-harm", call it what you want.

Automutilation, « self-harm », appelle ça comme tu veux.

The first time I decided to give a blade to my skin, it wasn't to attract attention or kill myself, I did it because I needed it. 'expressing a psychological pain that I myself did not really understand. Being a physical proof, something more concrete I now had the right to feel pain, pain in the face of the events that I could go through. A few months later, I was lucky, I already had a psychological follow-up, I understood several things.

Self-harm isn't just taking a blade and opening your skin, it's also loving the bruises you get when you exercise, it's also being carefree or carefree when cutting food is also driving fast in a car, it is also not looking both ways when crossing the street because it is okay if you get hit and you find you with a few broken bones. Self-harm is there every minute of your life, it's a way of thinking. You don't have to have stitches to close a wound to tell yourself you have it too, get help.

Courage, acceptance, hope, conviction, words that I have had my psychologist repeat over and over again. Words that went through one ear and came out the other, I barely laughed in her face. Yet today, those words mean everything to me. I have the courage to stop, I accept myself with the scars that are present on my body, I have hope that I am able, and I am convinced that I can stop. I slowly replaced the words that hurt me with words that healed me. I remember that it took not only the strength to leave, but also the courage. I had to accept that my life didn't have to be like this. It took hope and a belief that there was something better for me. I think of courage and I don't think of the time when I went skydiving or cliff jumping ( I didn't really do that but you get the example) . I think back to when I put my slides in ice cubes and ran the water over them and then put them in the freezer, for the first time it had taken all my courage! So I couldn't have used them the next time I "needed" them. I think about when I chose my health and happiness above all else.

Above all, find yourself some stuff! Put your slides in a block of water in the freezer, so you have to wait before you do anything! Take a deep breath in and out for every corner in a room. Try to focus on the present moment, find one thing that you can hear, one that you can taste, one that you can smell, one that you can touch, and one that you can see. Healing does not happen in a straight line, you have ups, downs, neutral periods. So be patient with yourself.

Either Kool and courageous, or Kool with hope (at your discretion, something like that I don't know)

-Clara Messier